dearmargaretDear Margaret: I'm the kind of person that doesn't enjoy change. I like where I live, a set schedule, and almost anything you can think of. I find comfort in steadiness, sameness and predictability.  I got married six months ago, and am realizing how opposite my partner is in this particular area. He seems to thrive with change. I find it disruptive. He finds it exciting. I find it distressful. I don't even like it when he moves the furniture around in the living room. I'm looking down the road and wonder if this opposition in our personalities will be the destruction of our relationship. How can I feel more settled in this new situation?
Comfortable with Routine
Dear Comfortable with Routine: I'm glad you signed this as 'Comfortable with Routine' instead of 'Uncomfortable with Change.' You know who you are and feel good about it. By the same token, are you thinking something is wrong with your partner's yearning for the unpredictable? First, realize you are both born with your own particular feelings and attributes, and nothing is wrong with either one of you. This doesn't have to cause a rift between you. Second, have a conversation with your partner about your feelings. Last, when anxiety comes up for you in this area, examine your own thoughts about what you feel. Are you thinking your partner is wrong in that situation?  In reality, is the suggested change truly negative? It might just be that you were attracted to each other because you provide some grounding for your partner, and they provide some levity for you.

Click Here to write to Dear Margaret.  Margaret Snow is a Life Coach in Ithaca, NY.