Dear Margaret: Every few weeks my husband and I get together with his siblings to play cards. After five years of marriage and several card parties, my sisters-in-law still give me the cold shoulder. They engage in topics of conversations in which I know nothing about thereby excluding me from participating. I feel invisible. I've done everything I can think of to ingratiate myself with them. I've given them little gifts, complimented them at every chance, and always remember their birthdays and anniversaries. It is hurtful and my husband and I usually end up arguing on the way home about their behavior. I want to be a part of this family and they continually hurt my feelings. We spend time with other friends and this never happens. What more can I do to feel a part of this family?
Excluded from the Family
 
Dear Excluded by the Family: When you feel the need to buy your way into someone's life with material gifts and gifts of your self-esteem, it's time to reevaluate the importance of having them in your life at all. Let your husband know that you are through being treated as an outsider and he is welcome to continue to go to card parties, but you will be spending time with friends whose company you enjoy. You've tried for long enough, and at this point it's time to stop banging your head against a wall. Your husband can continue to enjoy his family, you can spend time with friends you enjoy, and you will eliminate the fights on the way home.  You may or may not need to attend the obligatory holiday events on occasion, but it's time you took the reins.

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