We live in a coastal town which appeals to family and friends as a good travel destination. Since our home is small, most people stay at a nearby hotel to avail themselves of closer proximity to the water. Family sometimes choses to stay with us, which is usually fine as long as their stay is relatively short. However, one family member, on my wife's side, comes rather frequently and stays a bit longer than my patience can tolerate. Worse yet, this person leaves their belongings all over the house. This makes a big impact in our small house. I don't want to make waves over this, but for someone who likes order and neatness, I find it beyond unsettling. How can I handle this situation without causing a rift between my wife and me, or between this family member and me?
Caught in the Middle

Dear Caught in the Middle: As long as you allow guests in your home, you have the right to request and expect certain behaviors. Let your wife know how you feel, if she doesn't already, and that you are willing to compromise. Tell guests that you enjoy having them visit, but since the house is small it's best to limit their visits to "X" number of days. In addition, allocate 1 dresser drawer or a portion of a closet for their belongings when they come. Provide them with some sort of container in which they can keep their toiletries in the bathroom, to be kept under the sink or wherever you can find an out of the way place. Tell them you'd appreciate their help in putting dishes in the sink or dishwasher when they are done with a meal. I assume you don't charge family to stay at your house, so these requests are not out of line. If at some point you find that your visitors cannot abide by your attempts to organize their stay, or if you simply cannot tolerate having house guests, there is nothing wrong with letting them know that your lifestyle and the size of your home prohibits your ability to accommodate extra people.

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