Archive: Arts & Entertainment

Smart TalkSMART TALK
By  Dr. Saber S. Poder

IN THE NEAR FUTURE:  The Institute for the Linguistically Impaired is raising money to build the Edwin Newman Clinic for Temporal Retentives.  We're thinking of a fundraising bicycle trip, the riders to pedal between the homes of two of our board members and heroes, Alfred Kahn in Ithaca, New York, and Mr. Newman in New York City.  We have no obvious route in Texas, the home of the Institute, because we have no heroes here.

In the United Nations Plaza, in front of Newman's home, we could have a fundraising gala.  Dining and dancing under the stars, with stars from various disciplines invited to attend and contribute.

We need to do this soon.  The influence of our President's linguistic impairments is creating a crisis.

Temporal retentives can't say anything will happen or will happen soon; the event is at some time to come or in the near future. 

And nothing is postponed for them.  Events are postponed until a later date.  Not in two weeks.  In two weeks' time. 

Please send your contributions.  Not in the near future.  Soon. 


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Smart TalkSMART TALK
By Dr. Garrel S. Utter

INTERLINK:  When it came time for the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired to expand and modernize, we placed a bid on property along Interlink Road and got very lucky.  Now we have two redundancies in our address, being in Underbelly, Texas, already.

In the summer of 1990, we moved from the converted feed store on Amanita Drive to our new 20-acre campus.  Here, we can intermix, intermingle, and interrelate with our patients much more effectively. 

Also, the staff can more easily form interpersonal relationships, since we now have the Fowler Lounge, a classic pub-style building right on campus.

Not that we ever use such brainless language, you understand.  But we're surprised at the number of patients who see nothing wrong with the bold-type words in this column.


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Smart TalkSMART TALK
By  Dr. Laconia Crisp

IN THIS PAPER I AM GOING TO WRITE... No kidding?  Really?

Mrs. Shirley Markem Lowe is the best English teacher D.B. Wesson High School ever had.  Unfortunately, in Underbelly, Texas, that's not saying much, but she'd be good anywhere.  Here at the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, she's a local hero.

Mrs. Lowe works hard on writing.  A frequent assignment is a book or movie review in 250 words or fewer (not less).  Students earn their grades based on how much they say, and how well, on a single page.

In this way, students soon learn to get to the point and cut the garbage.  Garbage like today's title.  Good training. 

Mrs. Lowe is trying to break the bad language habits her students have developed thanks to other teachers' assignments to write an essay of at least 250 words.

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ITHACA, NY - Garth Fagan Dance will perform at the Cornell University Schwartz Center for the Performing Arts on September 27, 2007 at 7:30 pm for a one-evening-only performance.  Garth Fagan Dance, based in Rochester, New York, is in its 36th anniversary season.  The modern dance company is known for its individuality, unmannered approach and innovative style.  Their unique movement comes from years of training in the Fagan Technique, excelling in torso-centered movement, Afro-Caribbean energy, ballet precision, and rule-breaking experimentation.

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You need Java enabled to view the crossword applet. If you do not have Java installed you can obtain it from java.com. If do have Java you may need to check your security settings to make sure that applets are enabled, especially if you are viewing the puzzle from your hard disk. In Windows XP you may be able to enable the applet by clicking on the yellow bar at the top of the window and selecting "Allow blocked content".

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You need Java enabled to view the crossword applet. If you do not have Java installed you can obtain it from java.com. If do have Java you may need to check your security settings to make sure that applets are enabled, especially if you are viewing the puzzle from your hard disk. In Windows XP you may be able to enable the applet by clicking on the yellow bar at the top of the window and selecting "Allow blocked content".

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Smart TalkSMART TALK
By  Dr. Saber S. Poder

INTERRELATED:  Down the roads from the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired in Underbelly, Texas, is Bedspring Tech, a center of somewhat higher learning in Los Libidos. On that sunbaked campus, Professor Pompous Fatuous Failem serves as chairman of the Department of Tautology.

He deserves this position, being a trained expert.  He brags about major breakthroughs and major milestones, such as the new discovery that some interlinked factors are interrelated, and some are separate entities.  A prerequisite, he says, is a natural instinct for seeing how component parts can intermingle. 

It's obvious that Dr. Failem has influenced the literature.  His bloviations, dutifully written up by his graduate students, are eagerly accepted by academic quarterlies, which thrive on poorly written, preferably impenetrable, articles.

In the publish-or-perish world of professordom, Dr. Failem is a survivor.

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ITHACA, NY:  The Kitchen Theatre Company's KITCHEN COUNTER CULTURE series, featuring cutting-edge, outside-the-box work by guest artists from around the country, begins this month with a very funny show.  Vijai Nathan will perform Good Girls Don't, But Indian Girls Do for three performances only:  September 28, 29, and 30.  All performances will be followed by a talkback with the artist.

In 1997, Vijai Nathan mortified her traditional Indian parents by giving up a career in journalism, canceling her wedding, and becoming a stand-up comedian- and she hasn't looked back since!