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Lansing's Advice Column

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Dear IMO,

My children and I are converts to Islam. My husband is from Pakistan. We met in college, and when things got serious between us and wanted to get married, I decided to become a Muslim as I did not have any religious affiliation. We have been happily married for 10 years. We practice a very "American" form of Islam-I do not wear a head scarf, and we share all duties and responsibilities.

The problem is with our children, ages 7 and 6. They want to celebrate Christmas, but my husband says it is a Christian Holiday, and it would not be right for us to merely exchange gifts since it has a much stronger religious meaning. The kids feel really bad around the holidays knowing there will be no Christmas tree or gifts in our home. How can I explain to him the cultural/secular meaning behind the holiday and have a little celebration in our home?

Samira

Dear Samira,

On a very basic level, your husband is right about the deep, religious meaning behind the holiday. In fact, I congratulate him on having greater sensitivity about the holiday than most Christians. But the fact is that millions of non-Christians around the world celebrate Christmas. Hindus in India buy trees, prepare Turkey for dinner, and have loads of presents under the tree. The same holds true in Turkey, Jordan, and Egypt as well. The secular side of Christmas is a global holiday. Santa, reindeer, elves, and Christmas Trees are big doings. IMO has Jewish friends who place a Star of David atop the Christmas tree-now that's pluralism.

The real trick is to convince your husband that Christmas is an American Holiday like the 4th of July and Memorial Day. Now, I haven't any relatives that fought in the Revolutionary War nor have I ever served in the military, but I certainly celebrate these days as it is a national celebration. If I were in a predominantly Muslim country, I would certainly attend a Ramadan celebration though I am not a Muslim, because it is a cultural celebration as well.

Holidays and celebrations are about strengthening relationships with those we love. Yes, there are deeper meanings, but for your family, Christmas is a time to strengthen your bond as a family and to build relationships with family and friends. If you can show this side of Christmas to him, I'm sure he'll see that there is no harm in enjoying some eggnog while the kids open up their presents.

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