Archive: Opinions

On a warm and sunny morning last August, I ventured out to my workshop with a list of tasks that I hoped to accomplish.  These were “to do’s” that needed to get done so that we could finally finish our remodeling project that was supposed to have been completed by the previous May.  It included priming and painting floor, window and door molding. 

I had set up the saw horses and placed on them a dozen 8 foot long pieces of 1” X 4” trim so that they could be painted with considerable ease.  As I opened up the can of primer my cell phone rang.  I looked at the screen. It was my brother calling.  It was 8: 32 AM.  He never calls that early unless there is an emergency.   I answered the phone.  It was an emergency. 

He told me that he was in the ER with Mom and Dad.  Mom had suffered a mild heart attack earlier that morning, and Dad had wisely ignored my Mom and called my brother.  He, in turn, instructed Dad to call 911.  Dad made the call.  All the while, Mom kept saying she was fine. 

That medical emergency was the start of a six month journey that charted an unbelievable course of hospitalizations, tests, open heart surgery, nights of uncertainty, complications, and weeks of specialized care. 

It is not easy to care for a parent, especially a Mom.  Moms are, first and foremost, care givers.  If you are sick, hurt, angry, in need, tired, lonely, hungry, doubtful, worried, frightened or in need a few dollars, Moms are ready to assist.  Regardless of the situation, Moms will most certainly be there to help you pick up the pieces. 

It makes no difference whether or not she is feeling especially cheerful or healthy. Moms will encourage you to brush yourself off, wipe the tears from your eyes, give an incredibly therapeutic hug followed by a kiss on the forehead, hand you something delicious to eat, and gently remind you that tomorrow brings new opportunity.  Think back for a moment, and those scenes from your own life will appear like instant replay in your mind. The patience and understanding that Moms offer unconditionally are a most remarkable gift.

So it seemed logical that my Dad, my brothers and I could be to Mom what she had been to us for all our lives.  It seemed easy enough.  We would serve as her guides during her recovery phase.  All she had to do was follow the plan of care established by her doctors, and in a few months, she would be back to normal. 

At first we simply encouraged her to follow the plan of care.  Like cheerleaders at a sporting event, we cheered her on when she succeeded, and when she did not meet her goals, we would gently remind her that tomorrow offered another opportunity.

Unexpected complications quickly entered the scene.  Mom would not eat the prescribed amounts of food.  Mom would not elevate her legs.  Mom would not wear the support hose.  Mom would not do her exercises.  Soon our patience grew thin.  We abandoned the “rah rah” approach and adopted the Vince Lombardi method to recovery.  When this failed, we began to use psychology.  This was a mistake as well since every one knows moms invented psychology. 

On a cold February afternoon, we sat down with mom and explained the situation.  She listened to us as we explained the how’s and why’s of her stalled recovery.  After our dissertations, she replied quite calmly, “I have been through a lot.  I appreciate all that you are doing.  I just need you to be patient with me.  I know what I have to do.  It is going to take some time.” 

As usual, Mom was right.  In early March, things improved.  She regained her appetite.  She drank a can of Boost each day and stuck to her diet.   She wore the support hose, and the swelling in her legs diminished.  Her physical endurance improved.  Her voice sounded like Mom again. 

Life changes for a family when a parent requires increased care, especially a Mom.  The medical emergencies and unexpected complications challenged us throughout our journey.  We learned a lot about the medical field and all its advances in technology and care.  We discovered the many limitations medicine and the profession still has. 

Most importantly, we learned that we needed to become like Mom.  Each of us learned to respond with patience, understanding, and unconditional love regardless of the situation.  During our crisis, the Mom deep inside us emerged, and we all have a deeper appreciation for Mom and all she does.   Therein lies the reason we honor all our Moms-both living and departed.  And that is to the point.   

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