Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: My mother lives by herself and is getting on in years. It’s getting to the point where she needs to be in an assisted living facility. She forgets to take her medication, has trouble walking, isn’t eating properly and isn’t cleaning herself in her characteristic perfectionist manner. I’m not in a situation where I can take her into my home and it breaks my heart. The problem is that she absolutely refuses to accept the fact that she needs help and moving from her home is out of the question for her. When I broach the subject she becomes very stubborn and angry. I want her to receive much needed help without destroying our relationship. What am I to do?
Worried about Mom
 
Dear Worried about Mom: This is one of the most sensitive and difficult times in your relationship with your mother. She clearly doesn’t want to give up her independence, and an assisted living situation may feel like the first step in giving up her freedom.  Her safety is primary. Leaving your own home is beyond unsettling if you’ve been there several years. If she will accept help for a few hours a day from a home healthcare worker who can help bathe her and make sure she takes medication and has meals, it would be an in-between measure that guarantees her basic needs are met yet enables her to stay in her home. Even a trusted friend or neighbor may be helpful to fulfill these needs. If, however, the situation is more serious and she is in risk of doing great harm to herself because she does not have full mental capacity, this is a dangerous situation. Then it would be time to seek legal guardianship from the court. Yes, this may make your mother angry with you. The tables are turned in this stage of life. There was a time your mother imposed unwanted structure on you as a child for your safety, which made you angry. As difficult as it is, taking guardianship when necessary will enable your mother to live out her life in safety and with dignity.

---

v12i38