Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: I was recently mentored by someone I greatly admired, and that relationship has come to its natural end. I’m now seeing another side of them that disturbs me so much that I can hardly cope. In a word, they lie. I have heard them tell stories that happened to me as though it were their experience. They tell people they have qualifications that I know for a fact they do not. I am hearing them take credit for ideas I know belong to someone else. I looked up to this person so much and am now devastated to find they are not what I thought they were. I feel like warning other people so they don’t fall into the same trap. How should I handle this betrayal?
Feeling Betrayed
Dear Feeling Betrayed:  One thing you would be wise to own up to is that you gave this person more power over you than they, or anyone, may deserve. When you put someone on a pedestal and they fall off, you’re the one that gets hurt from the fall – not them. In giving someone so much authority in your life effectively disengaged your BS detector. I would not go out of my way to discredit them. If someone asks for your opinion, tell them the truth and limit your commentary to actual facts. Going on a crusade against this person will serve no purpose other making you appear spiteful. If their bad behavior directly affects your reputation, you should challenge them personally. Letting someone feast on your self-esteem by granting them more deference than they are due is a recipe for pending victimization. You’ve come out of this smarter than you went in.

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