Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: My life has taken an unexpected turn and I'm unsure how to proceed. I have taken a job in a new city about 500 miles from our current location, and my wife of twelve years has decided not to make the move with me. Her reasoning is that she has a fulfilling and lucrative job where we are and she feels it's not fair of me to up and ask her to relocate. I'm stunned. I always thought we were of the same mind and I don't know how to react or what to make of this. I haven't wanted to broach the subject of what she thinks this means for our marriage for fear she will tell me it is over. I feel unsteady and need advice on what to do.
Marriage in Limbo
Dear Marriage in Limbo:  Some partners are so in tune with each other they make the mistake of thinking they always know the other person's mind. In partnerships where communication is free and easy it starts out with the partners loving the fact that 'we finish each other's sentences.' When that works, it's a beautiful thing, until it doesn't, as you now know. Relocation and changing employment are certainly major events and great stressors in one's life.  You took too much for granted in not discussing this with her before making a decision. People change, which perhaps is the other wildcard you didn't take into account. Now is the time to have open and honest communication with her. As painful as it is, you need to know her feelings on your marriage. You can begin to cope with this transition only when it is clear where both of you stand.

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