Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: I have a fairly good relationship with my mother. However, she has recently made a habit of making subtle remarks that are designed to erode my self-confidence, and successfully so. The barbs are hurtful. She makes remarks on how much money I spend, or don’t spend. She will comment on the color shirt I’m wearing if she feels it’s not flattering. If the company I keep is not up to her standards, I’ll hear about it. As I get older I am getting weary of her criticisms and don’t want to resort to distancing myself from her. How can I get her to stop this behavior so I can enjoy a relationship with her?
Mother Feels Superior

Dear Mother Feels Superior: Rather than focusing on your mother’s behavior, let’s take a look at your reactions. If the comment is on how you have spent money, ask her if she knows where you could have purchased the product at a better price or at a better quality. If fashion advice is bluntly offered, ask her for details or recommendations. If your friends are not up to her standards, ask if she’s worried about something in particular regarding the individual. In addition, be honest with her. Let her know that you respect her but are sensitive to remarks that feel hurtful. As you mature, she may feel unneeded, and this may be her way of handling her own fears. You are not wrong to feel hurt, but without managing the situation in a new way, you’ll continue to do the same dance with her.

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