Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: I have an issue that I know many of my friends have, and can't seem to find a solution.  My son was married a few months ago, and my daughter-in-law has yet to send out thank you notes. I know a hand written note is a lost art, but many wedding guests traveled a long distance and spent a good deal of money on gifts for the couple and have yet to receive any kind of acknowledgement. Four or five guests have contacted me to see if they did, in fact, receive their gift. I'm embarrassed by the lack of manners and don't know what to do or how to respond. Should I say something to my new daughter-in-law?
Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed: There are a few issues other than whether or not you should say something to your daughter-in-law. What comes to my mind first is why the task of acknowledging gifts shouldn't also fall to your son. Secondly, why are you taking on feelings of embarrassment for someone else's actions, or lack thereof? If guests are concerned that their gifts were not received, simply give them the couple's contact information so they can verify. Your child rearing days with your son are over. However, since you have information that would help your son stay on good terms with family and friends, you should let him know of their concern. A simple, "friends and family have been asking me if you received their wedding gifts. It's fairly common to send thank you notes to express appreciation, or you can use whichever medium you choose to acknowledge receipt." Then leave it at that. You've put the onus where it belongs and given a bit of, hopefully, helpful advice.

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