Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: I have been at odds with a former friend, 'Ramona,' for about a year. We have a mutual friend whom I see fairly often. The subject of Ramona comes up with this mutual friend, and she is always telling me the disparaging remarks made about me. It turns my stomach. Ninety-nine percent of what is being said about me is untrue and hurtful. How can I get Ramona to move on, stop talking about me, and just live her own life?
Target of Rumors
Dear Target of Rumors: The answer is pretty simple. Ramona isn't the problem. Your mutual friend is the problem. By feeding you negative information she is constantly stirring the pot. You can't get Ramona to stop engaging in gossip about you. It's conceivable that our names are invoked in favorable and unfavorable ways all of the time without our knowledge, and we are unaffected because we are unaware of it. And that's just fine. A good way for you to be able to move on with your own life is to tell this friend that the information she gives you about the situation isn't helpful for you and causes distress. A way she can help you in this is to stop giving you information she hears about you, good or bad.

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