Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: I am almost 8 years older than my sister. Our mom has passed recently and I’m having trouble integrating my experience of our mother with my sister’s memories of her as a parent. It’s almost like we had two different parents. My sister remembers mom as compassionate, loving, kind and generous. My memory of her is of a stern, selfish woman who could be cruel at times. I still loved my mother, but find it difficult to be around my sister who gushes with fond memories that seem foreign to me. I’m close to my sister and need her during this time, and at the same time want to distance myself from her. How can I cope with this?
Sisters from Different Mothers

Dear Sisters from Different Mothers: I’m sorry for your loss and the complicated feelings of grief you are experiencing. You’re not wrong in feeling that the mother you experienced was vastly different from your sister’s, and this is by no means uncommon. By the time your sister was born I’m sure your mother had grown and matured as an individual and parent. I would not necessarily say your feelings about how you experienced your mother are a reflection of her love for you or lack thereof. With this understanding, and when the time feels right, talk to your sister about how you feel. I’m sure you need each other during this painful time.

---

v13i33