Archive: Around Town

Dear Margaret: One of my sisters is always calling me to help her with challenges I know she should be able to take care of by herself. It's like she's forever in need of rescuing. She's locked her keys in her car, can't seem to pay her bills on time without reminders, and needs me to pick her kids up from school because she's forgotten about an appointment or meeting requiring her attendance, and on, and on. I'm tired of being her go-to person for every dramatic 'crisis' in her life. I also don't want to see her fail if I can help her out of a predicament that she could have avoided with some careful planning or forethought. Any ideas on how I can extricate myself from being her rescuer?
Reluctant Knight in Shining Armor
Dear Reluctant Knight in Shining Armor: Helping out a fellow human in need is generally a good thing, except when it is to their detriment. Is it really helping you sister grow and mature when she never has to pay the consequences of her actions or inactions? Help (or not help) her on a case by case business. And, determine how much you take on that is actually none of your concern? For instance, why would you know when her bills are due? I'd put that in the category of none of your business. If her phone is shut off for nonpayment, she will survive and, hopefully, learn something. If she's locked her keys in her car and has to pay for someone to open her door, she'll be more careful. If her children are stranded because she forgot to make arrangements, let her know you'll help this time, but she'll need a backup plan in the event you're not available. When life is smooth, we have no reason to change our behaviors. Sometimes we expand into more capable adults only when faced with challenges.

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