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dearmargaretThe atmosphere at little company I work for is incredibly toxic. There is gossiping, backbiting, and outright instances of staff being cruel to one another. Talking to the employer/owner about this situation hasn't helped. She has her favorites, and I'm not one of them. She states rules of conduct for employees and only enforces them with those who are not on her favorite list. For instance, some can park in premium spots, even though we're told not to, and she doesn't say anything. Some can come into the office late without consequence, but others cannot. This is a small town and there aren't many other opportunities for employment elsewhere. This is starting to impact my home life. What advice can you offer to help me through this?
Sinking Fast
Dear Sinking Fast: It's interesting you referenced being in a boat. I'm on a paddling team and we have a few rules, one of which is, 'keep your eyes in your own boat'. During a race, if we look at where the other boats are in relation to ours, we get out of synch with other team mates and/or get discouraged by our placement in the competition. I might give you the same advice. Unfair as it is, if your employer is playing favorites, be sure you are doing the right thing. You are all you have to account for. Engaging in company gossip can make you feel you are part of the group and that it is a way to socialize. It's also destructive and adds to the toxicity of the atmosphere. You would be better off being a loner than to take part in any of the negative energy being put out there. If this is your only social group, I would encourage you to take part in activities outside of work. And lastly, put resumes out there. It may take a while to find employment elsewhere, but you certainly won't find another job without looking.


Click Here to write to Dear Margaret.  Margaret Snow is a Life Coach in Ithaca, NY.

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