Archive: Around Town

My best friend of 30 plus years and I had a falling out a while ago, and I am devastated. We both said things that we didn't mean, or at least didn't mean to say. She was my confidant and trusted advisor. I could go to her with any problem and she could soothe and apply an emotional balm. We enjoyed so many experiences together, and had such a close bond. I don't even know where to begin to make this right and heal our relationship. I feel lost without her. I'm afraid to approach her with any sort of apology, because I fear she's not ready to come to any sort of resolution with me. How can I even begin to fix this?
Needing My Friend

Dear Needing My Friend: Situations like this shouldn't marinate too long. They don't get better with age. You do need to take accountability for your part. It sounds like there were issues below the surface that needed to be exposed. ("…or at least didn't mean to say.") There may have been a painful clearing of the air, but perhaps not in a productive or healthy way. Sometimes it's best not to give excuses for your behavior, because often there is no excuse for a cutting response. If that is the case, say so. Again, own your part. Ask her for a meaningful dialog about what happened, and let her know how you feel about her. Accept with grace her feelings of hurt, anger or pain. Was this a long time coming to bring to light issues that have been buried? This may be a blessing in disguise to strengthen your relationship. However, realistically, be prepared if this isn't resolved in a way that makes your bond stronger. You are experiencing a very real grief, and will need to be kind to yourself. We learn about ourselves in relationship to others.

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