Archive: Around Town

I've been struggling with the concept of forgiveness for a very long time. I get all kinds of advice from all kinds of people, none of which is very helpful. Some say you can forgive but not forget, but that doesn't seem like you've truly forgiven. Others say that it will just take time, but much time has gone by, and I'm still at the same place. Still others talk about forgiveness in terms of religion, which doesn't do it for me. I'm the one that is hurting. The one who offended me probably is living life free of hurt or guilt. Can you offer any advice on this subject?
Forgiveness Beyond Reach

Dear Forgiveness Beyond Reach: Dear Forgiveness Beyond Reach: This is a struggle that plagues so many of us. Clichés offer little in terms of healing. Unless you have a conversation with the offending individual, you can't know their motives. Saying "walk a mile in their shoes" is a bit too glib to be useful. I recently reread To Kill a Mockingbird and a passage stood out to me.

"First of all," he said, "if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view […] until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

This feels like more than walking a mile in someone's shoes. This is really investing the time and energy to shut your eyes, and go to a place in your imagination that might be uncomfortable. It's in that space where something you hadn't realized can suddenly become clear. And you may have to repeat the exercise more than once. I do have one caveat. I'm going to assume the other individual is not a sociopath or a narcissist. That would be a game changer requiring you to perhaps seek some form of professional help in exploring methods for you to be able to heal. My best to you.

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