Archive: Around Town

I was helping my step mom take care of my dad, who has had dementia for about ten years. A few times a week I would take him out for lunch, to a park, to church, to my house, etc. He recently has taken a turn for the worse after a bout with the flu, and she will no longer allow me to take him on outings. He has stability issues, but is not completely bed ridden. This breaks my heart. We both enjoyed this time together, and I don't know how much time he has on this earth. I don't think she's trying to be cruel, but she's tightened control of him and it feels unfair to me. What can I say to her to make her understand how I feel that will convince her to loosen the reigns on him so we can continue to enjoy each other up until the end?
Devastated Daughter

Dear Devastated Daughter: I'm sorry for the pain and loss you are feeling. I might suggest that your step mother, after caring for her husband for over a decade, can be considered an expert in the caregiving field. I'm sure you are thankful for her willingness to continue this arduous labor of love for so long. After so many years of watching your father slowly decline, each new setback has brought you emotional challenges that pierce your heart. You've successfully navigated each one and continued to be a loving daughter. This transition, although more dramatic than former stages, can be also faced with your previous courage, love and compassion. You deserve time to emotionally adjust. This has been a setback for you as well. When you feel you are able, find new, creative ways to provide care and companionship for your father that won't involve transporting him in his now more fragile state. In a world that often lacks compassion, thank you for being a lighthouse of tenderness and love.

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