Archive: Around Town

I am married to a man with 2 daughters from a previous marriage. His wife passed a few years ago, as did my husband. My son and daughter are fine with my new husband. All offspring are adults, in their 30's. One of his daughters is very happy with our union. The other is very much opposed to it and makes her displeasure well known. I'd like to get past this because it is very hurtful to me. I do understand that it is not my problem, but that doesn't make the pain I feel from her rudeness less intense. How can I pull myself up despite how my husband's daughter treats me?
Victim of Circumstances

Dear Victim of Circumstances: First of all, congratulations on understanding that this is her problem, not yours. That's a huge first step. However, you are well within your rights to call her on poor behavior that steps over your personal boundaries. And you should point it out immediately. If she humiliates you publicly, in front of family, gently and firmly let her know. Inquire as to whether her remark was intended in the way you received it. Be consistent in this. Allowing her to be rude to you without repercussions will only encourage her to continue along this vein. It's not your job to help her become more self-aware, but she doesn't have a right to be abusive to you. This may be a very long process. Continue to treat her with genuine respect. I'm sure she's in pain. If you can keep that in mind, it may feel less personal. And it isn't personal. My best to you. I understand your desire to have harmony between the two families, and how difficult this feels.

---

v14i33