- By Matthew P. Binkewicz
- Around Town
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Ask IMOAsk IMOLansing's Advice Column
Dear IMO,
I have a real dilemma, and I’m not sure how to explain it. My wife of 18 years has been acting strangely. From what I’ve pieced together, she began to change about 6 months ago. At first, it seemed just a blip on the marital radar. But there are now some obvious signs that something is awry. We have not had relations in nearly two months, and yes, there is always some excuse each time I attempt to be intimate. I have a hunch that she may be seeing another person. A close friend of mine has advised that I call a private detective and have him follow her around for a few weeks. Should I take his advice? Am I acting paranoid?
Thanks,
DJ
Dear DJ,
Marital infidelity is indeed a serious matter, and a spouse’s hunch can be right on the mark. The private detective is one option, but I think you ought to first seek marital counseling. Ask your wife to visit one with you for a set number of sessions. With a professional counselor you may discover what is at the heart of your troubled marriage. You might discover that your wife is not seeing another person. She might be under some stress at work, suffering from an undiagnosed or untreated illness such as drug addiction, or in need of additional counseling.
If she refuses to meet with a counselor, becomes defensive or appears upset with your idea, then you should consider her behavior as suspicious. You ought to examine credit card statements, phone bills (both the land line and cell), and other shared records. If there is any credible evidence indicating she might be seeing another person, then you can hire a private detective. He or she can follow your wife for a set period of time and provide evidence of any extra marital activity.
Should the detective find some evidence you might contact your lawyer and seek advice on how to proceed. You will need to decide whether you wish to continue in your marriage or seek separation and divorce proceedings. I wish you the best.
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