Archive: Around Town

One of the most often repeated complaints on social media about being stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis is 'I'm bored'.  But there are so many things to occupy our time if we just look for them.  I spent a morning Tuesday looking at customer reviews of products on Amazon, and nearly fell off my chair laughing.  I didn't even know you could buy uranium ore over the Internet!

All Aglow Over My Purchase
Uranium Ore

I left this product next to my pet lizard, unfortunately now he's 350ft tall now and is currently destroying Tokyo, Japan.


  Great for making things glow...I can see my organs now if I pull the sheets over my head


I got a free cat in the box with this purchase but I'm not sure if I should open it to see if the cat is ok.


The World's Unluckiest Hamster
Habitrail Hamster Cage

  Where should I start?! First of all, our dwarf hamster had to spend 10 days at the vet after getting her foot caught between the bars of the cage and the clear plastic sides at night while we were sleeping and having to hang there until we woke up — who knows for how long?! We didn’t even know if she was going to survive or if her foot would have to be amputated. It looked like a flipper and it was about five times it’s normal size and she could not use it. Even now that she’s recovered, she still holds it a little awkwardly. It’s heartbreaking.

Before that happened, we already had to replace the water bottles on both (we bought two of these) because they both leaked nonstop. No matter how tightly and carefully we closed it, we’d fill it with water and it would be empty and all the bedding and food soaking wet. We were on a road trip and going into different pet stores looking for water bottles that would fit and in one store (the first one) the bottom of one of the cages just fell out in the store. So the hamster fell from four feet up, I had to dive on her to make sure she didn’t escape in the pet store. And it was a huge mess that we helped the employees clean up. I assumed she had put it together wrong, but no, there is no way to firmly latch this cage closed. There are little tabs that are supposed to snap together but they do not lock together and come apart just by breathing on them. No other latch or lock system of any sort. I had to borrow packing tape from one of the pet stores and tape the top and bottom together on both cages. In addition, the wheels are loud and we woke up one morning to one of the hamsters trapped under the wheel that had fallen off while she was running apparently.


Best Way to Feel Feminine While Writing
BIC For Her Retractable Ball Pen

These pens write well and are very pretty. A warning, though: powerful stuff, these pens. I felt more feminine and delicate just opening the package. My brother signed a check with one them - his facial hair fell out and he asked to borrow my lip gloss. So just be careful who you let hold them.

Since discovering these pens, my urges for radical feminism have ceased! Now that I and my fellow sisters have our very own pens, who needs equal pay, bodily autonomy, or to be treated like I'm more than a baby factory with fabulous legs? THERE'S A PEN JUST FOR US. WE'VE MADE IT!

So now they have their own pens. Next thing, they will be owning property, voting, and talking back. Where will it end?


These pens make me feel so feminine and desirable. I can barely keep the men away when I'm holding one of these in my dainty hand. My husband has started to take fencing lessons just to keep the men away.

Solving a First World Problem in a Slice of Life
#5 Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

Don't know how I survived with out this. My banana slices were so uneven before it was infuriating. This solved all of my problems. I cannot recommend enough.


My intention was to use for slicing bananas however I did not like the fact that there was no bottom of slicer. I had to wipe my counter off after slicing banana. If a bottom was part of slicer it would be worth purchasing. I have tossed banana slicer and reverted back to using a knife. I do not have to clean my counter top just the knife. This slicer was not a good purchase for me. I want to add also if you have a very ripe banana you have to push the banana thru the slicer.


Scared in the Middle of the Night
RAPGET Donald Trump Mask

I've been buying this mask for about a week and I haven't used it on my face. But once I got up in the middle of the night and suddenly saw Trump standing in front of me, but I looked at it later, and it turned out that my child was wearing the Trump mask and wandering around the room. I can only say that this mask is really realistic.

Maybe Not the Best Likeness...
Nancy Pelosi (Smile) Celebrity Mask

Won Scariest Costume at my office party. And we’re liberals - It’s the lifelike-ness. Easiest costume ever!


Illegal Aliens
UFO Detector - Blue LEDs

I am a scientist. Like everyone else that has purchased and reviewed this item I thought it was a hoax. I also felt like I needed to take it a step further and do a little data analysis on this device. Most if not all of the reviewers that plugged this device in experienced some sort of interface with a UFO. One guy said it does not work at all. This lead me down a path to do a little statistical analysis on the device and I really came up with some interesting data. To make a long peer reviewed paper short in abstract this device is NOT a UFO Detector. This device is a UFO ATTRACTOR. Almost everyone that has reviewed this has experienced the same thing. Probing after plugging the device in. I am not talking just a finger or two or even the shocker I am talking a full fledged onward fist, metal probe or worse. So when I ran the numbers of people that got probed and correlated it to the people that actually got a visit once they plugged this in I was really floored. This thing is like the UFO Alien version of Tinder. Plug it in, aliens get notified, they speed to your house and let their extraterrestrial version of Netflix and Chill roll on.

Talking Good Is Hard
English Grammar For Dummies

It a book for native English speakers rather than a second English language dude. I found it difficult to read it at the first saw and understand forEnglish my  level (C1).


Didn't really clear it up for me I still felt confused


Buen Producto


His Sisters Stunned Him
BLINGSTING Handheld Stun Gun for Women

Purchased several of these devices and gave them to each of my daughters - they tested it out on their older brother (who volunteered - he has a high tolerance for pain). I appreciate having a bit of peace of mind when my daughters get off work after the sun has set, or if they want to go to a concert or event that ends in the evening. The device is stylish looking.



Unintended Consequences
Somewhere Over the Rainbow Pot O' Gold St. Patricks Day Cookie Cutter

I was so excited to make cookies for the annual school Saint Patrick's Day party at my son's school. The night before I stayed up all night making over 100 "pot o'gold" cookies. They were really great! The cookie cutter is of exceptional quality and it is awesome that it is of such a fun shape. No more boring heart shaped cookies for me sir! The trouble began when I ran out of food coloring. I had to use dark pink icing for the entire cookie. I may update this review later and let you all know how the disciplinary hearing with the school board goes.

Was not a huge as a hit as I expected it to be when we presented a batch as a dessert at the local Erectile Dysfunction Support Group dinner. The snicker doodle cloud bases was cooked through a little too dark, though the pot of gold portions must have had food dye in the pan as those turned out a bit purplish pink in color. Then my decorator made the mistake of putting the white icing on just the pot of gold portion which for some reason made things even more awkward with the group.

Recently went to the nearby elderly home for St. Patty's Day Party to take some cookies. I slipped a few Viagara in the batter to help "Lift" some spirits and it was a rip-roaring, jig dancing, reel playing, kind of a night. When the men all got a wee bit happy I put on my "kiss Me I'm Irish" shirt. I met a good ole boy named Danny and lets just say I was over the Rainbow and found a pot of gold and these Irish eyes were smiling.

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