Archive: Around Town

Healing WellAs mentioned in last week’s article, effective communication is essential in all relationships. The way a person communicates conveys to others a lot about that person. But how do individuals develop effective communication skills? Are certain individuals simply born with this gift while others are destined to a life of failed relationships? Although it may be somewhat true that a few are born with the gift for eloquent speech, near perfect prose, or win an Oscar every time they appear in a film, most people learn basic communication skills through practice, years and years of practice.

There is joke about a young musician, who having just arrived at Grand Central Station, asks an elderly gentleman how one gets to Carnegie Hall. The elderly man responds in classic New York Style, “Practice. Practice.” The joke may be an old one, but it illustrates the way how one communicates effects those around them. The young musician wanted directions to Carnegie Hall not an opinion on musical ability and the chances of making an appearance at the famed landmark.

Communication requires practice. Think for a moment, the dialog between an individual asking another individual for directions. There is an initial exchange of where one is and where one wishes to go. Next, the discussion might address the shortest route or least number of stops and turns. The individuals may raise and lower their voices to add emphasis. They may use hand gestures and other body language to illustrate a certain direction. The conversation usually concludes with a concentrated effort to recap the conversation as directions are told, rechecked, and repeated for everyone’s sake. Finally, the person takes all this to heart and drives away hoping he has heard correctly and that the person providing the information has accurately spelled out the appropriate route.

From this example, one ought to see two important parts of this and any conversation: the content and the feeling behind the message. An effective communicator should be able to find a balance between the content of the message and the feelings behind the message. If either of these is out of balance, then the intended message may be misunderstood, misrepresented, or mistaken for something it really wasn’t intended to be. A closer examination of these two concepts—content and feeling—will provide a first step toward more effective communication.

Content is the “thing” in the message. It is the issue or subject that someone wishes to communicate. Content-focused communication is important because it involves every aspect of life: family, friends, work, home, religion, politics, education, sports, sex, and finances. Content has some value and often raises both positive and negative opinions. People might respond forcefully to it or choose to ignore it. Discussion and debate are centered on the content of a message. People express a “right-vs.-wrong” attitude in the content. The notion of winning or losing is the goal. As a result one side feels happy and victorious while the other is left sad and hurt. A balance and fairness within the content of a message must be achieved in order to prevent an individual from over-concentrating on the content or completely ignoring the issue.

The second but equally import concept behind effective communication is feeling. Feelings are the emotional force behind what we say, write, and do. They are often referred to as the “life-force” behind communication. Feelings also possess a powerful message that goes beyond the content. There are no “right-vs.-wrong” scenarios. Winning or losing is not the goal. Having one’s feelings understood and respected by another leads to a sense of being respected and cared for by that person. With that comes trust and a sense that others truly know what and how a person feels.

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