Archive: Around Town

Healing Well A person who possesses effective listening skills is someone who deals honestly and openly with another individual. Such a person does not enter into dialog with preconceived notions. He or she shows a nonjudgmental attitude focusing on the content of the message as well as the feelings behind it. This approach demonstrates a heartfelt interest in the speaker’s words. It sends a message of caring and concern without losing one’s balance on an issue.

Effective listening requires both a keen mind and open heart. Since feelings are often the means by which people communicate an important message the listener must respect the speaker, accepting the message as genuine. Emotions and passionate statements can reveal a person’s innermost feelings. Validation of someone’s feelings, concerns, beliefs, fears, and hopes is the first step in building a relationship with that person.

In addition to the content and the feelings or emotions behind what is being said, a good listener ought to watch the speaker’s body language. This form of nonverbal communication can tell a lot about some. Consider the scene at a bus stop in a large city. There may be a handful of people waiting for the bus without saying a word to one another. Yet, by watching their facial expressions, body movements, and other slight nuances in their body language, you can learn a lot about that group of people in a relatively small period of time.

You observe a middle aged man staring nervously at his watch and then looking off into the distance. A young woman reads from a book which sits on her lap. A young man stands a few feet from the bus stop dancing to the music that appears to be coming from his headphones. All of these individuals are sending a message to those around them without saying a word. The old cliché, “Actions speak louder than words,” often rings loud and clear.

The strange fact is this: nonverbal communication is learned and practiced by most on an unconscious level. Our body language seems to come naturally. When we describe an event, our arms may swing out from our body in a sweeping motion enhancing our message. Some may employ a threatening gesture, such as a stern look or point a finger at another person, in order to get their message across.

Body language often reveals our true feelings behind our message. It might even shed light on our beliefs, attitudes or plans. In the first instance, the sweeping arm motion provides a visual aid by which the listener can better understand the message. There is no sense of threat or danger to the listener. This is a positive form of communication and invites the listener to inquire and seek more information.

The second situation is quite the opposite. The speaker’s body language clearly reveals a threat to the person who fails to heed the message. An uncomfortable relationship is established between speaker and listener. Boundary lines are drawn. The speaker does not wish to enter into any dialog about the message. The message is clear, “obey or else.”

Of course, body language can be misinterpreted just as verbal communication can be. We must consider the speaker’s temperament, upbringing, home life, cultural identity, and lifestyle. Gestures can have subtle meanings and take on certain nuances among different audiences. As with all forms of communication, take some to know the person by considering the content of the message, the feelings behind it, and the body language used to communicate the more subtle points.

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