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Lansing's Advice Column

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Dear IMO,

My elderly mother, who lives in western Pennsylvania, will be moving in with us in a few weeks. My husband and I have planned for this by remodeling one of the rooms on the first floor so that she won't have to climb the stairs. She recently sold her home, and is reimbursing us for the cost of the renovations as well as a little extra for good measure.

All was going well until my older brother began to ask mom and me about the monetary aspect of the move. I'm sorry to say that he isn't at all interested in mom's well being. For the past twenty years, he has not offered any assistance nor bothered to check in on her even though he lives 10 minutes away. Now he is interested in her money, and that really bothers me. He wants to take us to a lawyer and have the will adjusted to reflect the gift that mom is giving us for her move. He has made my mother very upset. What recourse do we have?

Sincerely,
Sheila

Dear Sheila,

You now know why alligators eat their young from time to time. Your brother sounds like a real charmer -- a snake charmer.

Unfortunately, this situation is a very common occurrence. Many siblings believe that they are owed a certain percentage of their parents' estate regardless of the circumstances. Although he has shown little interest in your mother's well-being, he believes that he is entitled to a certain amount of her money, and will stop at nothing to see he gets his share.

Just what is his share is a question that can best be answered by the legal profession. Sit down with your mother and see how she feels about making an appointment with her lawyer to discuss this matter. Most likely, she has the right to spend her money any way she wants while she is still above ground, especially if she is of sound mind and has named you as her legal representative, guardian, care-provider, or power of attorney.

When my grandmother signed over the house to my mother and her siblings, the family lawyer took her aside privately, and asked, in her native tongue, Russian, if that is what she really wanted to do or was she being pressured into this arrangement. The lawyer emerged from the brief meeting with a grin on his face and told the family, "Your mother is still sharp at 90. She said my Russian is horrible and to do as the kids have instructed."

Take care of the legal affairs now so that you and your mother can spend many happy years together.

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