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Lansing's Advice Column

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Dear IMO,

I have been a widower for just about two years. My wife and I were married for 51 years, and they were really wonderful. Before she died, she gave me permission to date other women when the time seemed right. I'm beginning to feel the time might be right as I find it more difficult to live alone. Do you have any tips on getting back in the dating arena?

Sincerely,
Alex

Dear Alex,

There is a saying that I often use when I meet people for bereavement counseling: "Living alone doesn't mean you have to be alone." Just because you are a widower and currently living alone doesn't mean you have to abandon the idea of building a relationship with that someone special. The idea of dating in mid-life following the death of your wife may seem daunting, but there are some easy steps to take. You ought to begin by defining what dating means to you. Are you looking for an occasional friend to take out to dinner or are you searching for a new life partner? Perhaps you would feel more comfortable going out with a group of people at first, and then deciding how you would like to proceed from there.

Associating yourself with like-minded people is also a good way to ease the jitters as you begin to enter the dating scene. You might consider joining clubs or organizations which interest you such as hiking, bird watching, and book clubs to name a few. In order to be successful in your quest, you need to get out of the house. In addition, get the word out to family and friends that you're looking to find some companionship and romance. Perhaps they may know of someone who would be a good match for you.

Finally, be yourself. This is no time to try and become the person you wish you were or you think others will find attractive. One of the advantages of being older is the sense of self-awareness and self confidence to be who you truly are. Pretending to be otherwise will only compromise your chances of meeting someone who likes, and even loves you for who you really are.

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