Ask IMOAsk IMO

Lansing's Advice Column

Email your questions to IMO at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Dear IMO,

My grandfather is in a nursing home on Long Island.  We are going down for a visit next weekend, and will spend quite a lot of time with him.  He is physically very weak, but his mind is sharp.  During our visits, he loves to reminisce about his younger years, especially his service in the Marine Corps during World War II.  He lied about his age and got in when he was just 16.  Do you think it’s appropriate to record some of his stories?  I think it’s important that we preserve some of his stories?  Is this ethical?  What about a video?  

Thanks,

Mike

Dear Mike,

Yes. Yes. Yes.  It is your obligation to your grandfather, your family, and for all of society to record his stories.  You have discovered a real treasury of oral history, and you ought to preserve as much of it as possible.   Your grandfather, like so many of his generation, is getting older every day, and the longer you wait, the more likely his stories may never be written down. 

When you visit him next weekend, ask him if he would be willing to recall some of his stories from his childhood and from the war.  In addition, ask him if he would agree to being recorded, so that you won’t forget anything that he has said.   Bring along a tape recorder and a camcorder and see if he would be willing to be filmed.  Allow him to do the majority of the talking so he won’t be influenced by any questions you or your family might have.  Once he has finished with a particular story, then you may ask him your questions. 

Above all, let him live in the moment.  As he recalls a certain part of his life, he might become emotional.  This is good, and no one should try to “make him feel better” or “cheer him up.”  You are giving him an opportunity for life review, and he needs to tell his story in his own way, not yours.  Encourage him and validate his feelings, fears, concerns, and hopes.  He is not dead.  He has a lot of work ahead of him, a whole lifetime to review and make sense of.  Unfortunately, time is the limiting factor in all of this.  

Once you have him in front of the mic, you’ll discover what a gift you have given him-an opportunity to be heard, a chance to have meaning and purpose in a place where most have lost any meaning or purpose.  Before you leave, you might suggest that he continue to record his stories with the tape recorder and extra tapes that you’ll gladly leave with him.  I think you’ll discover that your grandfather is a very different person than you ever imagined.   

----
v4i9