Ask IMOAsk IMO

Lansing's Advice Column

Email your questions to IMO at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Dear IMO,

What happened to our manners? When I was a young girl, I was taught to respect my elders, speak when spoken to, help those who need it, and always say a kind word. Now that I am older and walk with a cane, I feel that I am invisible. Today's generation are so self absorbed with their iPods, cell phones, and other gadgets, no one ever holds the door open for me or bothers to see where they are walking. What can I do to maintain my sanity?

Thank you,
JoAnne

Dear JoAnne,

We do have our manners, but what we call manners change over time. As a result, we have lost the manners of past generations. That we have manners, however, does not mean we ought to be content with the manners we have.

In fact, many people think that civility and manners are in decline. With the age of computers, cell phones, iPods and other personal devices, this decline in societal behavior has rapidly fallen to levels not seen since human beings began walking upright.

Here is the question that all of us need to ask, "Does reality match the perception of a decline?" Yes and no. There is little doubt that we are losing established forms of deference and respect such as holding a door for the elderly or giving up your seat to a pregnant woman on a crowded bus.

On the other hand, new forms of respect take the place of those becoming obsolete. Women in the workplace are finding their male peers to be more respectful of their intellectual achievements and leadership skills. Cities and towns are beginning to place special signs near crosswalks notifying drivers to stop for pedestrians.
But this does not mean that we should ignore the decline in civility that we have been witnessing in recent years. We need to bring our concerns to the appropriate authorities or officials so they can address these concerns.

For example, if you are shopping at the mall or on the Commons, and you experience any rude or uncivil behavior, you ought to report the incident. Those in authority want to know about these occurrences since they cannot monitor every square inch of territory. If you do report an incident of uncivil or ill mannered behavior, they will have a record, real evidence that a problem exists and needs to be corrected.

Business owners will also be affected by rude or uncivil behavior. If the public avoids these commercial areas because they feel uneasy about shopping there, sales will drop, and store owners will fell the affects. With the current economic uncertainty, no business can afford to have this behavior go unchecked.
But this will only work if you actually take time to report these incidents. So the next time you experience rude or uncivil behavior, report it to the authorities.

 

----
v4i26