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 Lansing's Advice Column

Dear IMO,

I am an 11 year old young man who lives in Lansing, and I have a question for you. Do parents ever stop parenting? My buddies and I have been asking each other that same question, and none of us has an answer. What do you say?

Thanks,

Paul


Dear Paul,

Are you the 11 year old young man named who lives with IMO and Mommy? If you are, then it is quite apparent that parents will always parent no matter what age you are. Eventually, they will relinquish some independence, but this will most likely occur when you are in your late fifties. When parents are first married, they have few worries in life. Then, they begin to have children and worries multiply exponentially. These worries never go away; they change in their intensity.

For example, Mommy and IMO always ask you, “Do you have any homework.” Your reply is usually, “Well, uh, I, uh, I don’t think so?” So we ask, “Where is your agenda?” After a few deep sighs and 15 minutes of fooling around with the cat, you produce your agenda, and indeed you have another 30 minutes of homework.

After a brief look at your worksheet and a little encouragement from us, you begin to work on your problems conscientiously for 45 seconds, when suddenly, you are attacked by the cat. You frolic with him and claim he has stolen your pencil. Five minutes later, you are back at your homework pleading with us that it’s not fair to have so much homework and so little time to finish it. We, in turn, explain that you must manage your time wisely in order to have “fun time” in the evening.

There is more sighing, more frolicking with the cat, and more orations on the inequities of school and homework. We use stronger language, raise our voices, and begin to look at brochures for summer camp. This is parenting.

This will seem unfair, and you will voice your opposition to parenting until you are married and begin to have children of your own. One day, you will get home from work, kiss your wife, and scream up the staircase, “Hey, kids, have you finished your homework?” There will be a pause, a few giggles, the cat will rush by you with a pencil in its mouth, and then—look out.

Do your homework!

Sincerely,

IMO


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