Archive: Around Town

How many times have we all wished that we had written down or recorded our parents and grandparents talking about life lessons that are lost after they pass away?  That's the idea behind an upcoming book, 'Enjoy Your Life: And Other Legacy Lessons From People Who Truly Get It' that is being compiled by Haley VanCox.  VanCox is asking people who have been diagnosed with a terminal ilness to write short life lessons for the book.

"It's important to me that their stories are in their own words," she says.  "It should be in their own voice and exactly how they want it.  That's really what the project is about."

VanCox says that the book isn't intended to be about lessons about dying, but rather lessons on living.  They could be lessons the contributor learned from their own parents or grandparents that really worked... or didn't work in their own lives.

She started the project in January.  At first she interviewed people in person, but she says that approach made it hard to get the stories in their own words.  So she decided to call for submissions written directly by the people who have been diagnosed.

"I feel that's the most authentic voice for the participants," she says.

The book will be comprised of life lessons from men and women that have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses.  Each lesson will include a very short biography and picture, but beyond that VanCox wants the lessons to stand on their own.  She is hoping to receive 50 or 60 submissions to complete the book.

"I think it's a real calling," she says.  "I was a funeral singer.  I went to about 400 funerals. I grew up when Jack Kevorkian's trial was all over the news.  It was a regular topic of conversation in my family.  My family holds its legacy close, so I have respect.  I think that's where it started.  I've had three relatives pass within the past three to five years, and I have this longing to know what they wanted me to know."

Haley VanCoxFive years ago her uncle was killed in a fire, and VanCox says she didn't have time to say goodbye.  Then her grandmother died of cancer, but she says she didn't have the right tools to capture her experiences.  Next her Aunt Peggy was given two weeks to live, and VanCox says they talked about mundane things until she finally asked.

"I wanted to ask her what do you want me to know?  What do you want to share with me?  What do you want to leave behind?"

As she was leaving they talked very briefly about what her aunt wanted to say to her.  She learned that she had always wanted to fly, and would like to go to the beach again if she were able.  Later VanCox learned her father had wanted to learn to fly as well, so they went back to her Aunt the next day and talked about it.

"After she passed my Dad and his other two sisters went to the beach," VanCox says.  "That's what she wanted.  That never would have happened.  it was such a brief conversation and it changed my view and my Dad's view.  I think it changed her view, too.  I think she felt really heard and really respected in that moment."

Originally from Kingston, PA, VanCox moved to Ithaca four years ago.  She was a history major in college, and has a certification in leadership for women.  She also holds a Master's of Science in Administration.  

VanCox has a submission form on the project Web site, and is distributing a 15 page packet that tells about the project, suggests topics, and solicits submissions.  The packet is aimed at hospice nurses, family members, or others who may know people to forward the information for.  She is targeting hospice, the Ithaca Cancer Resource Center, Guthrie, and Sayre.  She says she welcomes submissions from anyone around the world, and hopes people will download and print the packet for people they know who might contribute.  So far she has received five or six submissions.

"It's just a handfull, but they're very, very powerful," she says.  "A lot of themes develop.  They talk about childhood dreams, and a lot about passion.  Challenges and how to overcome challenges."

She hopes to complete the project within six to eight months.  Once the book is published she hopes to follow up with more books.

"I have big dreams for this project," she says.  "I'm starting with those who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness.  But then also survivors, and cancer survivors, and family members who have gone through a great loss. I envision future books, not just this book."

v7i45