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By  Nurse “Gabby” Johnson

I FOUND IT IN THE LAST PLACE I LOOKED: At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, our handyman and odd jobber is an Underbelly cousin named Woody Johnson. Considering his work place, he tries to be careful about how he talks, even though his high school English teacher, Shirley Markem Lowe, reports that he wasn’t the deepest well in the oilfield.

An indication of his effort to sound intelligent came last week, when he spent half a morning searching for his tape measure. He went through the Institute repair shop repeatedly, opening drawers and re-piling parts and pieces.

Finally, his distant cousin, Head of Maintenance Zerk Johnson (another cousin, from a sounder branch of the family), couldn’t stand the disturbance and asked if he could help.

“Oh, I found it right away,” replied Woody. “It just sounds so dumb to say I found it in the last place I looked, so I kept searching.”

Just for that, Zerk sent Woody out with a tractor and a chain to pull out gopher holes.


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