- By Jim Evans
- Entertainment
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Smart Talk SMART TALK By Dr. Alfred Chatterly
REAL SIMPLE: Here at the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, we’ve noticed a steep decline in the use of really during the past few years. When Real Simple, the magazine, appeared, we knew Americans were looking ignorant to the rest of the English-speaking world in yet another way.
To treat this disorder, the Institute staff has had to search for its cause. Using the –ly suffix certainly doesn’t put people off. Note all the incorrect use of I feel badly. That the same people, including many in positions of power and influence, will blithely use real simple, real good, and real hard indicates something deeper.
We formed the beginning of a theory when we saw this linguistic impairment showing up most consistently in two of our native sons, Dr. Phil McGraw and George W. Bush. Two powerful Texans can do a lot of damage.
According to our theory, saying really simple, really good, and really hard might be perceived as an indicator of education and superiority. Wal, pardner, nobody wants to sound as if they’re better. Oops: Nobody wants to sound like they’re better. Does they. So let’s keep it real simple, in the American frontier tradition. All hail Joe Sixpack.
Never mind that many of our spokesmen help the rest of us look like a bunch of ignorant cowboys.
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