Archive: Arts & Entertainment

SMART TALK

by Dr. Saber S. Poder

CEFL: Our psychologist, Dr. Viva Palaver, has raised objections to our name ever since she came on staff. "Institute for the Linguistically Impaired," she points out, causes emotional stress in our patients and even keeps potential patients away. Who wants to be labeled linguistically impaired? No one likes to be known as impaired.

Dr. Palaver has finally convinced a majority of the Board of Directors to show a more positive, inviting face to the linguistically impaired world. As Chairman of the Board for the current term, I am honored to announce that henceforth, we are officially the Center for English as a First Language (CEFL).

We already have new stationery, and as you read this, our signs are being changed.

As the CEFL, we nicely complement, and wish to compliment, the wonderful work ESL (English as a Second Language) teachers do nationwide. While they equip immigrants with the English skills necessary to go to work and pay taxes, we expect to recruit many new patients who grew up speaking something like English but need to sound properly educated, so they can get ahead of the immigrants.

English as a First Language also sounds something like English First, which may attract the English Only folks, the proponents of making English our one and only official language. Ironically, many of these people have a poor grasp of their own language's subtleties and badly need the services of the CEFL.

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