Archive: Opinions

You know what I hate?  I hate the way my so-called friends proselytize on Facebook.  These one-note-Johnnies go on and on about whatever their pet passion is.  Sometimes it's even about real pets.  More often it's about how dumb Republicans are, or how unpatriotic Democrats are, or why gun control is evil or why not having gun control is evil.  Some go on about arguably great causes.  But when that is all you talk about to your friends, even worthy topics get old.

Why do these people think I care about these posts?  Would they talk to me that way face to face?  Would they only talk about one thing, either assuming I must agree or trying to convince me every time we speak?  If so, they wouldn't be my friends and I would never want to see them and I wouldn't have to listen to that stuff.

This is the crux of the matter -- people seem to see their online lives as somehow different from their 'real' lives.  But that is not true.  One of the things I love about Facebook is that you are required to use your real name.  That forces you to take responsibility for the things you do and say on the service.  That is important to me, because there are real people interacting on cyber-services, not cyber-people.

Too many people on Facebook either think I care that they just ate a hot dog or that I want nothing more than to hear them rant about their favorite topic, whichever thing that may be.  This vapid misuse of such a universal communication tool ought to be punishable.  There should especially be tangible punishment for online evangelists, no matter what their favorite causes are.  It shouldn't be me being punished by having to wade through 'Obama is a dope' and Romney is a dope' and 'Kittens are cute' and 'TGIF'.

I have been asked by a lot of people who say they hate Facebook (most of whom have never used Facebook) why I use it at all.  There are two reasons.  The main one is that it has proven a great way to keep in touch with my cousins, whom I love.  And other relatives, too.  We live all over the place, and had largely lost touch -- it is the way of the world.  Now we are back in touch and I love it.  Sure we're only casually in touch, but it's a lot better than not at all.  And if something significant happens we are more likely to email or phone about it now.  The other is my former students.  They are cool.

There are others -- people from other parts of my life that I enjoy online as well.  But I am shocked at how many friends' posts I turned out to be not at all thrilled about.  I am not saying their pet topics should be banned.  I am saying they should be part of our conversation, not the whole conversation.

I actually joined the service because the Village of Lansing had started a Facebook page to reach their constituents in a popular format.  The only way I could see it to report on it for the newspaper was to join. I didn't intend to join for my own use, but now that I have I don't want to give up connections I really treasure.

I recently discovered that you can block certain Facebook friends' posts from showing up in your news feed.  You don't see the junk that they post, but you don't insult them by 'unfriending' them.  I have slowly implemented it, and every time I do my Facebook experience gets better.  It is a way that I can still be friends who act like human beings in real life, but not so much online, which they evidently don't consider to be part of real life.

If someone wants to really be my friend they need to talk to me about a variety of subjects.  They need to not want something from me every time we speak.  And they need to not try to guilt me into doing something dorky like reposting some babble that asks me to repost it to people I supposedly respect and care about like some stupid chain letter.

Here's a story for you: one Sunday morning there was a knock at my door and a person I know and like was there in the classic religious conversion configuration... one at the door while two others watch from the car.

He said, 'Hi Dan, can I talk to you about God?'

I said, 'No.'

He said, 'Then can I talk to you about computers?'

We talked animatedly about the latest models for at least 20 minutes, and I couldn't help but think the two in the car were exclaiming, 'Hallellujah!  He's got a live one!'

I belong to an ancient, venerable religion, I believe what I believe, and part of what I believe is that trying to get me to renounce it is extremely disrespectful to me and, incidentally, to God.

So if you try that you are probably not my friend whether it be about religion or anything else.  That Sunday visitor is my friend.  He did what he had to do to satisfy his beliefs, but he respected mine.

If my friends on Facebook are really my friends they will do the same.

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