Archive: Around Town

I've recently placed my mother in a nursing home. The decision came after her dementia became more severe as a result of her having contracted the flu. I was overwhelmed with the new level required to care for her when I brought her home from the hospital, and my inability to care for my own basic needs for sleep and nourishment. After coming to terms with my decision, what troubles me now is the reactions I'm receiving from friends and family. The responses range from giving me a 'high-five', which I find utterly tone deaf, to open disdain for my inability to let her age and die at home. I'm again questioning myself and my motives. Is there an end to these feelings that I've abandoned the individual most precious to me?
Feeling Guilty

Dear Feeling Guilty: I'm very sorry that through one of the most heart rending experiences in your life you are not getting the support of those around you. You are the only one that has personal knowledge of what is best for your mother. Harshly judging another without understanding the experiences you encountered from sleep deprivation to the sometimes physical strength it takes to care for an incapacitated adult is cruel indeed. Take solace in the fact that you are continuing to be part of the team that cares for her in your new function as patient advocate, and that in this new role you can both care for yourself and continue to help your mother from a more refreshed position. That is not abandonment. It's making a decision to come closer to a win/win for you both. Be kind and gentle to yourself, as you are with your mother.

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