Archive: Around Town

Healing WellHave you ever been at a gathering or event and watched as another person or group of people spoke or acted inappropriately. Perhaps you might have been to a family dinner or attended a community meeting and witnessed something incredibly unbelievable. A certain individual’s words or actions might have caused shock, alarm, or evoked some response like, “That person is out of control. He/she needs to get a grip!”

Most of us possess a certain amount of self-control that serves as a guide to our thoughts, words, and actions. This built in mechanism serves an important function to protect us, both verbally and physically, from harming ourselves and possibly others around us. We rely on this at times when our judgment may be impaired, such as stressful situations or at times when circumstances demand an immediate decision. It is at these times when being in control is of great benefit.

However, there are some people who are obsessed with controlling every facet of their lives as well as the lives of those around. They find it impossible to function unless they have complete and total control over all the circumstances in their life. These individuals have “Control Issues.”

Control issues have a tremendous impact on relationships with others. The more trouble the relationship is facing, the more control issues will come to the surface. The better the relationship is working the less control issues will be a problem. In order to let go of control over others, you must first be convinced that there are some things in life that are either uncontrollable or unchangeable. Keep in mind one simple fact: the only one you can control and change is yourself.

Before we examine why some individuals have control issues and ways to break free from its hold, I’d like you to take a moment and fill out this brief self assessment to see where you stand on the need to control scale. Simply read the following statements, and put a “√” next to the ones that best describe you.

___ 1. If I control other people, they will do what I want them to do.
___ 2. It's a way to keep everything orderly, precise, and predictable, so that I don't go crazy or insane.
___ 3. I hate to be out of control or to lose control.
___ 4. If things don't go my way, then I feel I'll have to work harder or have to do things the right way.
___ 5. I have a tough time seeing people I care for in pain because their lives are out of control.
___ 6. I hate to have people see my true feelings so I struggle to control them and keep them in so as not to upset others.
___ 7. I am constantly on guard against being taken advantage of by others.
___ 8. When I see something or someone who needs to be fixed, I often step in.
___ 9. I grew up in dysfunctional home and I have no desire to repeat it in my current home.
___ 10. I have an image of the way things are supposed to be and I work at trying to get it to be that way.
___ 11. I am afraid that if I don't take care of things, things will never get done.
___ 12. If I don't do it, then no one will.
___ 13. I am afraid that everything I have done will be lost, so I take control to ensure this doesn't happen. .
___ 14. I subscribe to the belief that, "it's my way or the highway.''
___ 15. I want everybody in my life to be happy and I'll do whatever it takes to make it so.
If you checked 3 or more, you have a tendency to over control the people, places, and things in your life.

(To be continued).

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