Archive: Around Town

April 1, Lansing, NY -- Gun control opponents are universally in shock because of a find by Lansing, NY Historian Louise Bement this morning.  Bement found a document in the town archives that proves conclusively that the 'right to bear arms' cited in the second amendment of the U.S. Bill of Rights was an agricultural declaration that had nothing to do with firearms.  "Spelling and handwriting were not what they are today," she says.  "Imagine finding this after all these years!"

The document in question is a letter from Robert Morris of Pennsylvania to Charlie Munson, a Lansing farmer of his acquaintance.  "At last you need not overheet while tilling your feelds," Morris Wrote in a letter dated May 26, 1787.  "For this day we have voted a right to bear arms.  However, you may still not remove your shirt entirely from your person."

Bement credits the find to the town's new historical archives building.  She says she was sorting through archives to file them in an orderly way when she discovered the letter, recognizing Morris's name as the so-called 'financier' of the American Revolution.  She says eighteenth century spelling being what it was, it wasn't unusual for the founders to spell 'bare' as 'bear.'

After forwarding a photocopy of the letter to the Library of Congress for initial authentication, the story leaked on a national level.  Gun lobbyists immediately mobilized scores of protesters in the park across the street from the White House.  NRA president Sandra S. Froman said, "The letter must be a fraud.  Everyone knows that it was socially unacceptable to display bare arms in eighteenth century America."  She went on to vow that the NRA will take the issue to the highest court, calling third grade spelling teachers as witnesses from school districts across the country.

But, after a copy of the letter was posted on the Internet this morning by an unknown source, historians are already weighing in.  Cornell historian Stephen Phoots says the handwriting clearly matches other documents known to have been penned by Morris.  "Because of the social stigma attached to any exposed skin it would have been necessary to codify it," Phoots says.  "Without the protection of the law farmers could find themselves in the public stocks when they needed to be in their fields, sleeves rolled up, harvesting their crops."

"This find will put Lansing on the National Historical Register," says Lansing Town Supervisor Steve Farkas.  "We plan to sell sleeveless shirts with 'The Right To Bare Arms" printed on them.  With Internet sales I am sure we can entirely pay for the upcoming sewer project and reduce Town taxes by at least 63%."

"If this document is authenticated it will have far reaching implications for every second amendment decision this court has ever made," said Chief Justice John G. Roberts in his Supreme Court office this morning.  All anti-gun control decisions will have to be repealed.

Bement says experts from Washington will visit Lansing over the next several weeks to view and authenticate the document.  Meanwhile Town officials claim the letter as a vindication of their policy of preserving farm land in North Lansing.  

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