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Lansing's Advice Column

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Dear IMO,

I have been invited to a wedding at the end of this month. I know both the bride and groom very well. Each of them has been previously married, and I am at a loss of what to give as an appropriate wedding gift. They are an older couple, have successful careers and have more than enough household goods. Although the invitation did not specifically indicate "no gifts," I am at a loss of what to give. Do you have any ideas?

Sincerely,
Sallylou

Dear Sallylou,

Many older couples who are marrying for a second or third time often include a note indicating "no gifts." It does seem a bit strange they did not include one. IMO went to a similar wedding several years ago. A note in the invitation stated: "In lieu of a gift, we ask that you make a donation to the charity of your choice in honor of our marriage." This made life very easy, and so I simply wrote a check to our local food bank. They notified the couple of the donation made in their honor, and everyone was happy.

Since you know the bride and groom, I think you should give them a call and discuss the idea of making a contribution to some charity in honor of their special day. If, as you say, they have everything any couple could want, then your decision will be done in good taste, and those less fortunate will benefit from your generosity and the couple's decision to be united in matrimony. If the marriage does not work out, the charity will still benefit from the gift, and there will be one less pastry knife-combination-garage door opener and cherry pitter to fight over.

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