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Lansing's Advice Column

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Dear IMO,

Late last Saturday afternoon, our son and his girlfriend surprised us with a visit. As we sat down for an early dinner, our son took a deep breath and announced that his girlfriend was pregnant. Both of them are juniors at college and plan to finish school.

Did I mention that I'm a pastor of a parish? Well, I have been pastor at the parish for 24 years. The congregation respects me for I stand behind what I preach.

 

All of us agreed that abortion is not an option. We spoke for several hours, but did not come up with any firm plan. My wife and I are hoping they'll give the child up for adoption, but do not want to pressure them in any way. How should we proceed?

 

Sincerely,

Rev. Mark

Dear Rev. Mark,

Bringing a baby into the world is a very serious matter. Having said that, I must confess something to you. While reading your email, I kept hearing the refrain from a song by an artist from the 1960's that went like this, "The only boy who could ever reach me, was the son of a preacher man. The only one, who could ever teach me, was the son of a preacher man..."

 

Your son and his girlfriend have three options. First, they can give the baby up for adoption as you have suggested. This would allow both of them to continue their studies and their relationship if they so desired. The child would be raised by loving parents who had been screened and investigated. The adopting couple might also pay the medical expenses during the pregnancy easing the financial burden on your son and his girlfriend.

 

Another option is for them to marry, raise the child, and live happily ever after. This would be a real challenge as both of them are still "kids" at heart (yes, I know juniors in college are around 21) with many years ahead of them. The third option is for her to raise the baby but not marry your son until such time when they both feel marriage is the right path to choose. Whether or not they should live together would be another topic of discussion.

 

Regardless of their decision, remember to be supportive and keep all avenues of communication open. Do not worry about what the congregation or the community might say. In all likelihood they have already spoken about this incident and have formed their opinion. These two young people will soon be the parents of your grandchild. They are not the first nor the last to rely on hope late at night.

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