Archive: Around Town

Readers of the Lansing Star are adventurous souls who aren’t afraid to venture into new and unknown territories as they pursue their never-ending search for the perfect meal. However, sometimes the most interesting aspect of a trip away from home may not be the food or the wine. It could be the amazing array of state-of-the-art sinks and hand dryers we encounter in the restaurants we visit as we move about the country.

When you and your family embark on a road trip, you probably aren’t thinking: “Wow, this is gonna be a great trip – just think of all the new and exciting restrooms we’ll have the opportunity to visit!”

I only mention this because the applications of modern technology can facilitate the performance of elementary tasks faster and easier than our parents ever dreamed possible. However, I’m sure you’re aware that even ingenious and innovative inventions don’t always achieve the intended effect of making our lives easier. To illustrate, let me focus on one elementary activity: hand washing.

Do you remember when there was a handle, or two, which you could use to not only turn on the water in the sink but also to adjust its temperature?  When I travel to various destinations and visit a men’s room I’m often confused about the technique I must employ simply to obtain water from the faucet. In a men’s room on the Cornell University campus, for example, there’s a foot pedal for hot water and another for cold. If you happen to be a biped like me, just imagine trying to maintain a smooth flow while adjusting the temperature at the same time! Sometimes when I instinctively pump an imaginary foot pedal I’m sure the men who observe me must think I’ve taken leave of my senses. Often I find myself waving a hand under a faucet hoping for the best. Occasionally, when I can’t figure how to activate the water and there’s no one else around, in desperation I reach over to an adjacent sink and wave my hand under its faucet.

I really don’t like those darn soap dispensers that detect motion or body heat. Some are designed so you put your hand under the spout and hope that a sensor is activated. With my restroom karma nothing happens until I give up and retract my hands at which time the sensor decides it’s time to ejaculate a small tuft of green foam directly into the sink.

In some restrooms I can’t even figure out how to dry my hands and face after I’ve washed them.  It doesn’t seem like a long time ago that I could pull paper towels from a dispenser or pump a lever and release the desired length of paper. Sometimes I pulled on a linen towel that looped around a roller.  It used to be so simple! Now I have to confront those confounded new automatic contraptions. To me, automatic means I will automatically make a fool of myself.  I can only hope that no one else is in the men’s room when I frenetically wave my hands at the bottom, in front of, or above, an “automatic” towel dispenser. If hand waving doesn’t produce the desired result, I try vigorously poking the machine.

How do you feel when you encounter those fixed-in-place, non-adjustable, immovable, inflexible and obnoxious hot air blowers?  After eating a lobster or a rack of ribs I like to wash my mouth with warm, grease-cutting water. I really am not a fan (pun intended) of blowing hot air onto my hands and then repeatedly using my dry fingers to wipe the water off my lips.   And if there’s no alternative, i.e. paper, and the blower does swivel, do they really expect me to turn the blower around and blast my face and hair with hot air?

I’ll let you in on my personal technique but I’d appreciate it if you keep it under your hat, so-to-speak. When I can’t figure out how to access the paper and there’s no one around, I sneak into a stall, grab a wad of toilet paper and convert it to a towel.

So, as you embark on your next road trip, I hope that your restroom experiences are as interesting but hopefully less confusing and frustrating than mine.

“May the road rise to meet the soles of your feet; may the wind always be at your back, and may restroom towel, water, and soap dispensers quickly and efficiently release their products into the palm of your hand.”
--Fabricated Proverb, circa 2011

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