- By Dan Veaner
- Opinions
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When I was a kid there was an episode of Super Chicken* in which an East Indian villain shifts all the elephants to the United States in order to tilt the earth and make India cooler. After yesterday's weather, I would like to encourage him to do so.While I like the seasons, I am increasingly disliking cold weather. And frankly, global warming has been a big disappointment to me. The other day I saw a map that showed the arctic ice cap as it had been and as it is now. It was noticeably smaller. But I haven't noticed any benefit here in Tompkins County.
I thought global warming would bring upstate New York milder winters. Instead, we have days like yesterday with wind strong enough to land a house on top of a witch in Oz, partnered with torrential rain that flooded many local areas including the lower elevations of East Shore Drive, followed by snow. Snow!
The temperatures this fall have been on the low side, at least for me. In protest I refused to wear my winter jacket until yesterday, when I finally wimped out. It just doesn't seem right when the first day of winter isn't until December 21. Can't the weather read a calendar?
I don't like the cold, but I wouldn't mind the snow if it would not fall on my driveway. Or on top of my car. In fact, it would be great if the snow wouldn't fall on the roads either. When I was a kid the 21st century seemed far into the future, and we imagined flying cars, robots, and basically the George Jetson life. Driving in two dimensions is challenging enough for many of us, and those that can afford house robots can actually have them, although they don't do very much. I'd be willing to forego those things if they could work out that not snowing on roads and driveways thing. You'd think they could come up with something. After all, they came up with iPhones.
If two dimensional cartoon characters can do it we should be able to do it. We're smarter than cartoon characters. Supposedly.
My feeling is that we should get India to start shipping us their elephants, and we should alert Super Chicken not to return them. India is very hot. Upstate New York gets very cold. And they work for peanuts, which is a big deal with the state deficit in the billions. Moving those elephants would be win-win.
* Super Chicken was a Jay Ward cartoon. Ward is best known for Rocky and Bullwinkle, but he was responsible for other classics like Fractured Fairy Tales, Mr. Peabody, and George of the Jungle, among others. His theme song went, 'When you find youself in danger, When you're threatened by a stranger, When it looks like you will take a lickin', buck, buck, buck... There is someone waiting, Who will hurry up and rescue you, Just Call for Super Chicken! buck-ack!'
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