Archive: Opinions

With all the brouhaha about TSA inspections, gropes, and scans I was worried when we flew to visit family a couple of weeks ago.  I didn't expect trouble at the Ithaca airport going down, but the West Palm Beach airport was on the list of airports with scanners, so I had about a week to worry about that.  All during the week every news program had blaring stories filled with hyperbole about the 'Sophie's Choice' of embarrassments: a scan that reveals private body parts to the person looking at the screen, or a so-called pat down that includes a TSA agent fingering said body parts.

There was even a movement afoot to get people to protest by choosing the pat-down in order to slow down the security lines.  That seemed like biting off your nose to spite your face to me -- and apparently it did to most travelers as well, because it never happened.  People preferred to get it over with by choosing the scanner so they could make their flights on time.  With Thanksgiving week the busiest air travel week, that made sense.  But, never an easy commercial flyer, it meant that I insisted on getting to the airport almost three hours ahead of time.  That didn't go down so well with my wife.

Remember when they did gate scans as well as scans at the security entrance?  For some reason I was picked for a 'random search' at the gate every time.  Even though I had passed the security scans with flying colors I must have looked like a terrorist to the TSA agents at the gate.  Or maybe I looked mild mannered enough that they knew I wouldn't give them a hard time, so they picked the easy way out.  In any event, I hated those gate scans and was glad when they stopped doing them.

It left me with a bad taste for the whole security process, yet I refused to complain because a) if you complain they single you out, and b) I actually appreciate getting onto a plane that isn't going to blow up.  Not blowing up is high on my list.  I really, really like not blowing up.  After ice cream and pizza I'd say not blowing up is one of my favorites.

So I decided that if given the choice I'd take the fast one -- the scan.  On reflection I realized that anyone looking at my body wasn't going to get much of a treat anyway.

We got in line, and just behind us was just such a whiney, complaining so-and-so.  She bitched and moaned non-stop for most of the half hour we stood in line.  She kept pushing into me as if that would make the line go faster.  She made everyone around her miserable.  The anxiety level was pretty high to start with, despite calming TSA agents helping along the line, so we didn't need Complainy Woman.  I was thrilled when they opened up a new line and she rushed to get into the other one.

When we got to the conveyor belt we put everything that might set off a scanner into our carry-on bags.  Belts and shoes were inconvenient, but not horrid.  Change, jewelry, watches... all in the bags.  As a result we didn't set off the beeper when we walked through the metal scanner, the doorway shaped things they have for normal scans, not the peek-a-boo scanners that stood ready to the side.

People who passed the normal scanner test were let through.  I didn't notice anyone who didn't beep being asked to be body scanned or patted down.  It reminded me of the time I called a credit card company to remove a $25 late charge because they received my payment -in-full, $12.00, a day late.  I worked myself up for hours, coming up with every argument in the book, and determined to cancel the card if I didn't get satisfaction.  I finally called, and after only a minute on hold a nice lady asked what I wanted.  I told her that I was calling to get the late charge removed.  She asked me to hold for a minute while she looked it up.  Then before I could say anything she said, 'I've removed that charge for you, sir.  Is there anything else I can help you with?'  All that working up to a frenzy for nothing!  That's kind of what not getting the invasive scan was like.

Not that I'm complaining.  I only have one regret: I was so busy retrieving my belt and shoes I forgot to look to see if Complainy Woman was body scanned.  I was hoping she was.  She really deserved it.  I was hoping they'd lead her away in handcuffs in front of everybody.

So we ended up having a lot of reading time at the gate.  I don't know if everyone experiences airport security the same way, but it looked to me as if the people who thought ahead and took all the metal off their bodies just went through without any problem.  And while I imagine TSA agents were trained to be pleasant no matter how difficult passengers are, it also seemed that being nice to them was appreciated.  A half hour in line without a Disney ride at the end is a bummer, but not the worst thing that ever happened to me.

The shrill television pundits talked as if there are only two choices: the grope or the full body scan.  Actually there is a third choice: don't fly.  That would be my choice every time if my family didn't live so far away.  Last year I had some extra time, so I drove to see them.  I loved that.  I didn't have to wait in line or step through a scanner to get in my car.  While it took days instead of hours to get there, my stress level was nearly nonexistent.

When I used to work from home for a northern Virginia company I used to drive down to headquarters from time to time.  I calculated that driving to northern Virginia only took about a half hour more than flying would (including either driving to Syracuse for a direct flight or making a connection if I left from Ithaca).  That assumed that the flights were on time and traffic, once I got there, was light (which it never is in that part of Northern Virginia).

That was a more realistic choice, and I loved that drive.  I'd stick old radio comedies into the cassette player and I'd arrive before I knew it, with nice scenery most of the way and the only snag, really, in Harrisburg (do they ever actually finish building major roads in Harrisburg?!).

When I have to fly or not go at all, sure we have rights, and this is America.  But I don't think the airport is the place to protest.  We have Congressmen and Senators for that, and they don't make it very hard for us to tell them what we think.  If privacy rights have to be violated, the right not to blow up trumps a demand to flash a TSA agent any day.

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